My name is Kevin, and this is my first post. I just want to share my story. I tell myself to quit games every single day, but somehow the act of quitting is well beyond my reach. With every “Screw it, just another hour”, or “I will play in moderation this time”, my self-esteem and willpower plummet a little further. Since I study comp. sci, not using the computer is not an option. So today I bought and installed Cold Turkey on my computer and blocked every game related program on my computer.
My interaction with PC games go as far back as elementary school, when my cousin, who is 4 years older than me, first introduced me to Age of Empires II in grade one. I lived with my grandparents then, and they were surprisingly strict (god bless them) when it comes to games. I was only allowed 1 hour on weekends, and that was it. That didn’t stop me from going to the computer room to play secretly when they were away. So every day, I would spend 2 to 3 hours beating the campaign, creating my skirmishes and thinking about cool ways to make the game more interesting. That game was my childhood; I played it for 2 years until grade three, when Red Alert started to dominate my daily routine.
In grade 5, I moved to Canada to live with my parents, and they were really chill when it comes to gaming. They would even offer to let me play some games when I felt sad or depressed. As a result, I quickly got hooked to online MMORPG games. I didn’t have a good PC, so I would creep to my neighbour’s room (we rented a house and shared it with another family) and play on his laptop without his permission (I still get ashamed whenever I think about it, and it just goes to show the grasp of gaming addiction on me). After years of gaming, I transformed from an outgoing lad into an introvert who was afraid to talk to people and only associated with my gaming friends.
All of this continued through High School (I’m currently in grade 11). I play Hearthstone, some Asian card games, Haypi Kingdom, even Armor Games (and basically any game I can find online). Surprisingly, I’m doing quite well in school. My average is over 95, I got some Olympiad medals for computer science, I play guitar (currently RCM 8), I swim and I play badminton. I stated these things without the least intention of bragging. I don’t think I deserve these “accomplishments”. I study less than an hour a day, with the rest invested into gaming (4-5 hours). I know that others work way harder, and they should be the ones doing well in school. The amount of guilt is just unbearable. I’m suffering from depression and am constantly thinking about suicide, but I know that’s the wrong thing to do.
Today is my first day off games, hopeful and excited about the change that it will bring about. I read about cam's 90 day detox program, but I hope to make the change permanent. I didn’t realize I rambled on for so long. I guess this is all for now.
Kevin
